Infinite
by The Veteran of Depression
Summary: "I definitely messed up, jumping onto that grenade. In the moment I was strong. In the moment I was fearless. In the moment I was Sodapop Patrick Curtis. In the moment I was infinite." This is another suicidal one-shot except it's not Pony. This time it's Soda dying in Vietnam. Read, review, favorite, enjoy. :D


**I think I've killed Ponyboy enough times, so I'm gonna write this one as Soda when he's over in Vietnam and this time he gets killed on the front lines, he didn't do it himself.**

**Sorry. I had to do it.**

**Music will be in italics. His thoughts and speech are in regular font.**

**Disclaimer: S. E. Hinton owns the Outsiders. Kari Kimmel owns Where You Belong. I own nothing. **

_If you're feeling down or weak_

_You can always count on me_

I stared up at the ceiling of the barracks. I was on the top bunk of the bed I shared with this guy named Thomas. He was a greaser too, but he lived out in Kansas. Topeka I think he said. He knows what it's like to be the slum of society. He knows they're gonna put us on the front lines. And he told me he would be there to help me if I needed it. I told him the same. I hope I can keep that promise.

_I will always pick you up_

_Nothing's ever gonna change_

I couldn't keep that promise. Thomas was killed during a training stimulation and they had already given me a new bunk mate. His name was Robbie. He was a Soc. At least he acted as snobby as them. Even in another country they picked on me. The life I lived. who knows how many miles away, followed me here.

_Nothing's gettin' in my way _

_I will always hold you up _

This guy, named Matt, got into a fight with his bunk mate, Charles. So the assignments were switched around and now he's my bunk mate. How many bunk mates was I gonna get in a week? I hoped this would be the last, because Matt has this get out of my way or I'll flatten you kind of attitude. It reminded me to much of Dallas. But he said he'd be there for me. He'd been in the war for a while. He'd lost so many friends. He wanted me to go be able to go home and see my family again like he planned to do for his.

_Anything _

_Come what may_

_Don't look back forget yesterday_

_Forget yesterday _

I'm trying to forget yesterday. It'd been a week, since Matt became my bunk mate. He died yesterday. He fell into my arms. He screamed in pain and agony. And then it was over. My only friend, that replaced my other only friend, died. Now I'm alone again.

_It's not where you come from_

_It's where you belong_

No one is ever gonna understand that greasers may have been born greasers, but we had a chance in life. Johnny could've graduated high school. Two-Bit may get over his alcoholism. Dallas may have turned over a new leaf and given up his life of crime. Pony could go to college. Darry might get a girl and the fix up the house and settle down with them there. Steve and I might get to go back to Tulsa. Back home where we belong.

_Nothin' I would trade_

_I wouldn't have it any other way _

I wouldn't have it any other way that I was going to fight on the front lines. I heard Steve had gone home because of an injury or something. I think I was gonna be going home pretty soon. They said all I had to do was be over here for a couple months. I'd been here in Nam for a couple months. Once I heard this saying that great warriors came back holding their shield over their head. Or it was on their chest and they were being carried in a coffin. That's was probably not exactly what it was, but I learned one thing from that: I was going home holding a shield over my head.

_You're surrounded_

_By love and you're wanted_

I got a letter from Ponyboy and Darry. They said they wanted me home. Said Steve was okay and Two was gonna go to AA meetings to help himself. Said they loved me. Said they were proud of me. Said they hoped I was surrounded by people that were treated me like family. Like they did. But I wasn't surrounded. I was lonely.

_So never feel alone_

_You are home with me_

_Right where you belong_

After I read the letter, I just wanted to go home. I wanted to fake an injury. Go insane and try and kill other people in my barracks. I wanted to do whatever I had to do to get back to Tulsa. Anything I could do to hang out at Buck's. Sneak under the fence at Admiral Twin and watch a movie. Visit the graveyard to see Johnny's and Dallas's and Mom's and Dad's. I just wanted to be home, not alone, where I belong.

_I know sometimes you're feeling lost_

_It's hard to find your place in it all_

I feel like trying to struggle through high school, barely passing anything besides auto mechanics and gym. If I had tried to continue even though I had to help Darry pay the bills and work full time at DX after Mom and Dad, maybe I wouldn't be here. Maybe I would've gone home with Steve because I couldn't load a gun and shot myself in the leg . Maybe I could've settled down in one of the houses in the middle of town, become a middle of town guy, fallen in love with a middle of town girl, because the middle of town people didn't have to deal with these things. These things being the labels, the label that got me into the war. Maybe I wouldn't feel so lost and confused. Maybe I wouldn't have thrown myself at the grenade in anguish as it came bouncing into the trench and it exploded as it made contact with my chest.

_But you don't have to fear_

_Even when you mess up_

I definitely messed up, jumping onto that grenade. In the moment I was strong. In the moment I was fearless. In the moment I was Sodapop Patrick Curtis. In the moment I was infinite.

_You always got my love_

_I'm always right here _

I'm sorry guys. I'll always love you. But I had to do it. I had to save everyone else. I had to jump onto that grenade. I had to lose my life to save countless other. Like Johnny did. I'm not dying in anger and hate and violence like Dallas. Even though I'm not gold, even though I'm dying, even though I'm in the middle of a warzone, I'm dying for the people who've always loved me and who I will always love.

**Hope y'all liked it. **

**Stay Gold**


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